President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday afternoon to change the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America,” his latest escalation as he engages in a tense trade war with Canada.

“‘Lake of America’ was something I’ve been thinking about for a long time,” Trump said from the Oval Office. “We have a gulf and we have a lake. Now, all we need is an ocean. So, maybe we’ll have to change the name of the Atlantic and/or the Pacific. Maybe we’ll change them both.”

Surrounded by large maps of the Great Lakes, Trump said the name change was “effective immediately,” and that his staff had “filed all the necessary papers, documents, everything else.” A White House aide claimed the lake “has most of its volume in the United States” and that the “deepest parts” are in US territory.

  • Avicenna@programming.dev
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    6 hours ago

    Oh for fuck’s just sign an executive order to require everyone to call Trump the president with the biggest dick and let us be done with your phallus complex already. He is literally what happens when someone like Edward Tiny Balls Coristine becomes president; a double agent in every aspect, tons of self proclaimed sexual prowess and a phallic size complex.